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Still figuring myself out...
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The Plaid Idea

3.24.2010

(And I'm not referring to our school newspaper)

I'm saying goodbye to the plaid skirt, made up of blue, yellow, green, and red lines.
The plaid skirt that I all to familiar with for I have been wearing for almost 13 years in my 17 years of existence.
Today is the last day that I'm going to wear it.
...but perhaps, if the occasion would call for it, I'd have to wear it again. Perhaps during a reunion, perhaps as a costume to some certain event that asks you to wear your gradeschool or highschool uniform.
I'm saying goodbye to it.
It's time to lay it aside and just look at it wistfully, reminiscently.
It will hold too much memories of me.
Too much.
And I'm glad I have it to remind me of the past, the present, and what will be in the future.

I will be graduating in less than 24 hours, by 6-7pm of tomorrow.
I will be "unleashed" tomorrow, after years of waiting but also, after years of transformation and, transfiguration.


"I guess sometimes we both loose our minds."
The Poison - The All-American Rejects

And Your Past-Times, Consisted of the Strange, and Twisted, and Deranged

3.20.2010

Destructive Love.

Books are deadly weapons which could render you dead.
Lol.
I'm just kidding.


I am unquestioningly disturbed by unhappy endings.
At least, by this one in particular.
Seriously.
I just can't handle the emotions it potrudes within the walls of my fragile heart.
It seems to heavy to carry at the moment.
...and what makes it worse is I do not know how I'd deal with all these (emotions).

......and worst is that I'd have to buy the book that would render the ending complete ('cause, unfortunately, it's a series -and to really finish or complete the story would require me to buy the next book which I have no money for at the moment but which I want to read NOW because the urgency just calls for it. Also, the person I want to talk to the most about it -not simply because she lent me the book I just read but because (as I'd like to believe) we have a different way of discussing and conversing about things which keeps our relationship sufficiently "healthy" and just plain wonderful!- is hard to contact during the weekend!)

By the way, I have a habit of using words whose meanings I'm not extremely sure of when I'm in a state like this. The spur of the moment just brings them about so spontaneously I can't help but let the words flow out without caution nor means of prevention.

Insert a very long and heavy sigh here -and imagine the matching expression- here!

I'm in a fury of emotions right now and I'm working on it such that I won't only keep the emotions at bay, still having traces of it within the walls of my bursting heart, but rather, in such a way that the feelings roused up by reading the book would only seem like a reminiscent evanescent distant memory of the past that I look back at wistfully.

I wish that would happen now.
That the emotions would be soothed by now.
I can still feel traces of it lingering in the depths of my heart.
It's all there, swimming around, surfacing and resurfacing.
Trying to make themselves distinct while I battle all of out by the defense mechanism of repression ...even before I fully acknowledge what they are, even before I actually discern what they could be

This has always been my problem, trying to identify what I'm feeling.
I don't even try to identify it because of fear of recognition and the revelation it would bring about.
As I said, I try to supress it even before it it makes it self known.
I guess, you could say, I try to kill the symptoms first to prevent the forthcoming of the real "illness" itself; to prevent it from even coming to its full blow.
I wouldn't want that.
I can't even handle the symptoms.
What more the real thing?

It'd kill me.

(Ok, those words seem harsh. I don't mean it in the literaly sense. I'm not suicidal. Don't worry. I just know deep down though that it would send me to a real panic.)


*Sigh*

I'm partially happy that I am able to put into words the aftermath reading books usually affect on me.
For so long I did not even attempt doing so out of doubt that I would ever find the most appropriate words. And perhaps, because most times, it wouldn't come to me as spontaneously as it did tonight.

Thank you, God.


I'm in desperate need of music.
It's the only medicine to my chaotic emotions.


Beautiful song:



Inspect the lyrics:

It's raining today
The blinds are shut
It's always the same
I tried all the games
that they play
But they made me insane

Life on tv
It's random
It means nothing to me
I'm writing down
What I cannot see
Wanna wake up in a dream

Oh
They're telling me
its beautiful
I believe them
but will I ever know
The world behind my wall
Oh
The sun will shine
like never before
One day I will be
ready to go
See the world behind my wall

Trains in the sky
Are travelling
through fragments of time
They're taking me to
parts of my mind
That no one can find

I'm ready to fall
I'm ready to crawl
on my knees to know it all
I'm ready to heal
I'm ready to feel

Oh
They're telling me
it's beautiful
I believe them
but will I ever know
The world behind my wall
Oh
The sun will shine
like never before
One day I will be
ready to go
See the world behind my wall
See the world behind my wall
See the world behind my wall
See the world behind my wall

I'm ready to fall
I'm ready to crawl
on my knees to know it all
I'm ready to heal
I'm ready to feel

Take me there!
Take me there!
Take me there!

Oh
They're telling me
it's beautiful
I believe them
But will i ever know
The world behind my wall

Suits perfectly a nuts like me.


"One day I'll be ready to go see the word behind my wall."
World Behind My Wall - Tokio Hotel

You Can't Capture Beauty In A Picture

...sometimes, you just have to see it for yourself.




LOL.
So..., I feel pretty tonight (and I'm not sarcastic!). Teehee!
Forgive me. This seldom happens so, give me this chance.

Tonight, another d├ębutante shined and was celebrated.

I attended a debut tonight, all made-up, wearing a (thrifted) white layered chiffon tube dress and the pair of heels I once wore to my prom.


...and I'm kinda frustrated that I can't take a picture of me (and perhaps upload it on my Lookbook account!) because our camera ran out of batteries (it's AA-batt powered).

I'm not to coherent to talk to anymore.
Time to unmask myself.
The clock has struck 2 hours past midnight.
I must go to bed.

G'night!

LoveTextures

3.14.2010

So I'm looking up high resolution textures for these two posters I'm making and came across this beautiful images (or textures if you want to call it that):


It's from LoveTextures -whose site I found out about through HRT.

Inspirational!

Feel Good Song

3.13.2010

Save Me, Save Me From Myself

Help Me - Alkaline Trio

Hi.
The lack of something makes you feel lonesome, inadequate, ...not good enough.
It makes it hard for you to feel like you belong.
It makes it hard for everybody, especially those who are suffering with you.
But it doesn't help ease the burden even if someone else is carrying the same load as yours -even if most probably, theirs is heavier.
Somehow, your selfishness makes it difficult for you to understand and adjust.
You, could only be hopeful.
Hopeful,
...and faithful.

I love the Lord,
He is filled with compassion
He turned to me on the day that I called,
from the snares of the dark,
Oh Lord, save my life,
be my strength.

Inspiring picture of the day:


Here are more inspiring pictures for the day:


Pictures are from Looklet Mag, category: Editor's Pick


"I got to turn this thing around."
Shattered - O.A.R.

Inspiring.

3.12.2010

This is one of the most inspiring videos I've ever watched. It's not so recent anymore but I still like it anyway.

I love the atmosphere of the video, the setting, the quality, the styling! ;)



"Here comes the feeling you thought you've forgotten."
Horchata - Vampire Weekend

Damaging Awkwardness

3.11.2010

Boys Don't Cry - Plumb

Ola! :)

I haven't really got the chance to post what I ought to yesterday. Lol.
So, aside from the inspirational pictures, there are still some other stuff I wanted to share. *winks*

March 7, 2010 made it official.
We're done with our academics.
Oh geez, you cannot imagine how much load was taken off my shoulder just by saying that!
Finally!

I'm still stressing over some other stuff though. HAHA.
Like our clearance and Yearbook stuff but, I shall do these responsibilities joyfully, yeah?

Anyway, we had a culminating activity yesterday (that was what I wanted to tell you about) which was very much enjoyable despite the excessive heat that is burning all things within our country. Lol.

OHMY.
I cannot believe it. HAHAHA.
I've got 138 looks in Looklet already? IM POSSIBLE!

I shall share some with you, yeah?
These will be my farewell for the meantime. ;)


All The Souls That Would Die Just To Feel Alive

3.09.2010

Starlight by Muse

Inspirational photos of the day:

Backstage Beauty



Sunbelt




Dolce Vita





The Alexander Wang Gang (so apt!)
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Really, these photos from Ssense are just so inspiring!

160g magazine's March/April issues is out! CLIIICK.

Content:

The 40 Looks For Summer 2010 by Eric Sposito (click the picture!)


I actually can't even choose which picture among the collection to post here to make sure that I'd entice you to see it!


Additional inspirational photos from Urban Outfitters Spring 2010:
Love, love love!














A follow-up post about my random today is to follow. It's less interesting than this one. Lol. ;)