12.04.2008

" Well I know I know I know I'm not always my best for you
And though a melody won't make it alright..
Here's the I love you song"
Currently listening to: Just Right by July For Kings

Oggling at the Lorick New York collections



and loving these..

Spring 2008











Fall 2008



Spring 2009 collection










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Hey, hey, hey. I tried out Colorgenics in GoldinUniverse.
Here's my "profile"

Name: Aien
Date: 12/4/2008
Colorgenics Number: 01347625

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At this time you are really feeling quite exhausted by all the conflict and quarrelling that is going on about you and you are looking for some sort of protection from this state of affairs. Ideally you are seeking a peaceful condition and a tranquil environment in which you can be afforded the chance to relax and recover.

You are a true extrovert, frivolous and outgoing. You need to feel in control of any situation. If matters are not proceeding according to plan you tend to get extremely irritable and perhaps become difficult to live with.

There are times of everyone's life when 'compromise' is the name of the game and this is the time, so you have no alternative but to forgo some pleasures for the time being. You are capable of achieving satisfaction through physical activity.

You are experiencing considerable stress which is essentially the result of on going rejection and hostility. You are in the unpleasant position where offers of trust, affection and understanding are being withheld and you are being treaded with a degrading lack of consideration. You feel that you are being denied the appreciation that you deserve, which is essential to your well-being and self-esteem, but you have to face up to the situation because as matters stand at this time there is little that you can do about it - you feel that you are getting nowhere and the continuous struggle is a lonely one: all difficulties and no encouragement. Whatever you try to say or do is met with continuous hostility and no matter how much you protest you are consistently misunderstood. You need to escape from the situation but you are so perplexed that you cannot find the strength of mind to make the necessary decision.

In the past your trusting attitude has often been misunderstood and so you have needed to protect yourself against your tendency to be abused and taken advantage of. As a consequence you possibly adopt an aloof and critical attitude and you are only willing to let your guard down once sincerity and trustworthiness can be assured.

And to tell you the truth, every single letter, every single word, every single phrase, every single sentence and every single paragraph couldn't be more true. It's like my heart and brain were turned inside out (I know visualizing that is gory but that's the best comparison I can do.

I've been having/creating internal wars/conflicts in my head --maybe more of in my heart and I'm struggling with it. :( Today, I told a statement to myself: "I fear attachment". I don't understand the deeper reasons behind my action but when I want to be close to someone rather, when I year to reach out to someone, the more I become distant -worrying from afar and I fear the consequences of the actions I am taking because I might lose the person, the people I care most about.
Is it pride?
Is it fear?
I do not know.
Maybe both.

I know that I could choose the option which would allow me to be burden free, comforting and the like and the choice I want to take, the choice that is right..is the hard one and well I'm willing to struggle for it. I just always pray for strength.