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Everybody's Changing and I Don't Feel the Same


Everybody's Changing - Keane

90th post.

8th of June, Monday, 2009.
It's the last first day of school for me -in high school that is.
I haven't bid adieu to summer yet. At least, not officially.
I've said my prayers the previous night but, not being able to put into words everything I wish to say, I know I still have a lot more to tell God.

It's my last school year in the second home I've had since I was 4. It will be a completely different world once I get out.
On sudden thought, I'm already thinking way, way ahead. It's just the first day of school and already, I'm contemplating the events that could possibly take place once I graduate.
It's just timely that I'm listening to It's Amazing by Jem right now. Funny.

"You'll see, 'cause if it's meant to be, nothing can compare to deserving your dream."

Geez , I can't believe I almost teared up at the latter part.

Oh geez.

Well, who can blame me for thinking this way when, to think it's just the first day of classes, they've bombarded us with reminders that we are soon going our separate ways, to the colleges/universities of our choice which may determine the rest of your future?

They've given us forms to fill today and I can't help but think back and try to see what I've accomplished so far. I'm pretty pleased with my academics, I've filled up enough lines but it frustrated me that I had just one thing to write under my participation in my parish/church/community.
If I was asked the same question a few months back, I would have written nothing and would have not given any care at all but now, to be able to write only one thing under that section? It's frustrating.
I wish I could have done more "social services" outside and inside school. I know I will make up for it this school year -I made a vow to myself and God that I will embrace every opportunity given me to serve and use up the talents he has given me; that's my goal, my only aim- however, it's just makes me remorseful that there were so many opportunities for me during the previous years and I haven't taken them because back then, my beliefs were different, I saw things differently, I was not the same person I am now.

Geez, they're showing Boys Over Flowers on TV and it's such a distraction.
I've watched the episode already but attachment really gets to me.
See? That's why I don't like it. I feel tempted, and I badly wish not to give in and it takes so much self-control.
I dunno. It's just a weird habit of mine. Holding myself back, preventing myself from loving things.
It's a bad thing which I really wish to get over with because if I want to be selfless, I can't fear giving all of me to someone or something, can I?

Ha! Forgive that sudden outburst of revelation.
I'm listening to what I call "my emo playlist".
Slow songs with lyrics and tunes that play up the emotion.

So where was I?
Oh, ranting about what-I-could-have-done-in-the-past.
Well, I shall make up for it this school year, make up for every mistakes I've done in the past. If not mistakes, then "failures". I wish to serve this year, in ever way I can.
I am determined to make the most out of what I have, of what I am given, and have fun doing so.
Fourth year high school, I will conquer you!

Ha! That is such an outburst from me, I'm sorry. :p
I'm just filled with so much passion right now.
You know those moments when there are certain things you want to do and you just set your mind that you must accomplish them and you are certain that you will?
Well, I feel that way right now.
Ooh, such zest inside me!

"It's as simple as that."
Baby, It's Fact - Hellogoodbye


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