4.13.2010

I.....I'm speechless.

I couldn't find the proper words to write, the proper words to use, the proper words to express.

Always like this when I'm trying to deal with the emotions.

Always like this.

Sorry, I'm so broken and disturbed.

It'll be only for a while.

Nurse me.

I just love sarcasm.

DON'T YOU?

Things Not Seen

Andrew Clements

Let's start with...the quotes maybe?

The last one to to start with?

there are mirrors in my house. i remember them. i still touch them. smooth and cold. i used to look. all the time. people do that. not just me. its true. store windows. little mirrors in cars. makeup mirrors. anything that reflects. and not just girls. everybody. all the time. to remember what they look like. to make sure they don't disappear. like maybe they're already gone.

i was almost gone bobby. i was almost all the way disappeared. i couldn't remember if i was real. i couldn't see who could love me. i couldn't see anything there to love. i couldn't find a reflection. anywhere. i needed a mirror so bad.

and that was you bobby. invisible mirror. i see me. i see you.

love alicia

That letter broke my heart.

And even before that letter, my heart was already breaking into pieces except, it was still put together.

I tried to keep it together because I knew I still had to brace myself for the more difficult part. That part which I just surrender to.

I'm facing my fears now.

The fear of too much emotions.

I should stop trying to get over it so quickly.

I should...take a breath and, take it slowly.

Assess it, feel it, devour it.

Complete surrender.

Beautiful.

I realize, I don't have to put into words everything that I'm feeling all at once.

Because words just can't beat experience.

I'm actually...proud that I've used less words here.

Compared to my previous post.

I think it means that I'm handling it better.

Or then again it could mean that I'm being evasive about it all.

Trying to avoid assessing what I feel by now expressing it in words.

But, like I said, words just can't beat experience.

Aaand, I'm savoring the experience all right?

Deal with.

I want to be a writer one day and make people feel the way I do.

But, I hope they handle it better than me. :)

Love,

Aien